A sudden irrational feeling seized me from within, that's made me feel like the old terence again. An aching for something, anything to grab hold onto. Like floating in the gloom of pitchblack waters, I had nothing to anchor myself to. It's a feeling like portishead-personified. A rattling of emotion try to cry out from within the constraints of the ego and self, nothing escapes but a sliver of a tear.

The last few weeks I've somehow been stricken with some form of malaise, I feel like my heads' been put into a vacuum flask choke-full with tobacco smoke where my vision is clear and hazy at the same time. The reasons for it, I don't know, maybe it's my subconcious counting down till I settle into the two years of restless routine and shovelling dirt. I don't actually feel troubled by the thought of routine, since it's all just a matter of adjusting, maybe my subconcious speaks otherwise.

So the interesting things thats happened recently are;
1) I got my nipples licked.
2) I licked nipples.
(sadly, it was a dude's nipple -drinking game forfeit-)
3) I passed my bike license.

On a totally different spectrum, while Aki and I were sitting outside Cineleisure doing absolutely nothing after Fiona and Danielle left. We bumped into Fair Maiden 2. It was like a glimmer of colours exploding behind a dusty glass window, the feeling of semi-voyeuristic elation was irrational but absolutely human and real. The surfing of the emotional waves that rise and crash over themselves constantly like a irreverent torrent of fury and lust. Perplexed, it left me feeling exhilarated and exhausted.

I wonder how will I bring this dream to reality?
I can hear the non-contenders telling me to give up already.

19 days, till I go in. Can't say I'm happy or sad about it. Maybe just that I could be spending the time doing other things. 2 years can be a long time. Hopefully I'll get a good vocation after BMT, but we'll see. Maybe the process would be an opportunity for me to see things in new paradigms.
The last few weeks have been fun, I haven't been working much, so the money is running out. But the aimless nights with the boys are nonetheless irreplaceable.

We've been clubbing the last few consecutive fridays, with different crowds and different music, but the experience hasn't become boring, and i hope it doesn't. Dancing into the dead of the night with other like-minded indie folk is always fun as hell. On a different note, Army has changed people, some fear I'll come out too different for their liking, but I assure them I'll be the same old Terence, albeit (hopefully) with more focus and discipline.

More updates to come.

Activities been a lull lately, somehow the days past without event. Suddenly, it's tuesday. Currently, I'm enamored with the music of The Klaxons, and Digitalism. On repeat all day and night, it's like I'm still at Home Club. On a seperate note, I've been shooting 'Behind the Scenes' for 'Gone Shopping' these few days with Leon. Went to the Press Con at Marina Square where I had lots of tasty-lil-pretty-things to munch on.

They tasted like $4 a pop cookies (acaroons?) , $5 tiny custard in shotglasses, and $6 bite sized salmon Hors d'oeuvres. Fucking tasty, especially when their free. Free KFC and Sushi for dinner. Shooting Behind the Scenes is gastronomically good. Then yesterday night, I was at Lin's house to shoot her interview. Ran out of cigarettes and was about to buy 4 sticks off the contractors that were renovating. Lin came to the rescue when she went out to buy tuna for dinner and she bought me a pack of cigarettes. How awesome is that, 'Ohh yes, I feel loved!'.

So today, I woke up slightly groggy and abit drooly with my first thoughts today on the traffic police test, i realised, waiting two months isn't too bad, since I'll be working soon (Thanks Les!), time should be flying. Work is life, life is money. On another random note, I walked home from Al Ameen two nights ago, started at 4am and arrived home at 5.30am, not tired, but very sweaty. Therapeutic workout it was, cheap as well. Halfway I got bored and wanted to flag a cab but that would defeat the purpose of walking so I fought the temptation.

So I feel alliterative today, but have no literary sense again, so thanks for the reading the rambling, and I'm going out now. Till next time, toodles.

currently listening to: Pogo - Digitalism

313rd post

I waited so long, I spent so much money, all for you. I've dreamt of the day we'll be together, you and I. But alas, Mister Pohlicemann don't let me have you, I'll have to make you wait just that longer. I'm sorry FG**** (Aka (tentatively-named) Midori), August, that's when we'll be together.

---

I spent 16 dollars on a motherfuckin' taxi at 7am in the morning, arrived at BBDC just on time, taxi driver was so stoned he overshot and went past, had no cigarettes and money, anticipation welled up inside. I quelled the storm. It started to rain, the murmur began. I took my test, doing everything as expected, waited till 12 noon for my result.

36 motherfuckin' points.
24 points on things I DID NOT (NOT) do.
Fail to check blindspot: X X X
Fail to check sideroad: X
Fail to slow down on road hazard: X

I checked every fucking blindspot, sideroad and I slowed down upon road hazard.
Fucking bureaucracy man. I spent $12xx, countless revisions and practice slots, I'm so ingrained with these safety checks I could do them with my eyes closed but NO. They just got to fail me.

Waste of my fucking time and money.
I would have blown up BBDC (figuratively) if not for the bunch of malay guys I was talking to outside.

Bored la geng.

Fucking lack of literacy skills tonight.

if it's all okay, i'm happier than everyone expects.

so fucking addicted to the smiths.

Why am I always the bastard?

Diamonds are gorgeous, and people kill people for them.

I hope I'm not the same.

The tripod is broken.